Individual Desires

Self-reflection can help you identify your own needs and desires regarding sex and relationships. Here are a few places to start:

• What are your past experiences with sex and relationships? What felt good? What did not?
• What kind of expectations do you have from a sexual or romantic partner?
• What makes you feel excited about sex and relationships? What makes you nervous?

There are no wrong answers to these questions, and communicating them with partners will help create fulfilling experiences. Confidential resources can help students who feel shame or anxiety around sex, especially those questioning their gender or sexual identities, or processing past sexual traumas.

Active Consent

Consent is not only about policy compliance, it's an integral part of all interpersonal relationships.

• No Assumptions: Our 2018-2019 Consent@CC Poster Campaign Competition was Elliott Williams's "No Assumptions," which articulates the basis to practicing active consent. Withholding assumptions about another person's identity, desires, how they would like to be touched, etc., opens space for communication and affords all parties agency and individuality.
• Verbal and Nonverbal: Both verbal and nonverbal communication factor into active consent. Talking through desires and expectations with partners is important, but so is staying attuned to body language during sexual activity. Both partners should always be participating and enjoying themselves.
• Everyday consent: Practicing consent in everyday personal encounters (like hugs) creates a culture norm and supports healthy sex.

Relationships

Relationships take many varying forms and commitment levels, and any of them can be healthy as long as they are fulfilling and safe for all parties.

• Mutual respect and collaboration: In a healthy relationship, partners respect one another's bodily autonomy and individuality. They do not use power and control to manipulate or coerce one another.
• Boundaries: Setting and maintaining clear boundaries allows partners be clear about expectations and maintain their own identities, fostering interdependency rather than codependency.
• Consent Castle: When you're building a relationship, it's important to talk through desires and expectations, just the way you would talk through architecture, interior design, etc. when building a castle. As your relationship deepens (your castle becomes livable), you probably won't be going over the blueprint. However, it's still important to talk about how things are functioning